Thursday, March 01, 2012

Transition Period.

I graduated April 2011 with flying colors with my Bachelor’s Degree Major in Mass Communication. 

Having graduated Magna cum Laude with my “easy” course was a great fulfillment and achievement for me for the reasons that I was able to satisfy the expectations of my big brother and I know it will surely be my edge over the thousands of competitors waiting for me in the ‘real world’. But things didn’t turn out exactly the way I imagined it to be. 

Applying for a job and searching for a good catch is never easy.  I have to admit that I got drowned with the swift change I have to go through. And for me, it was a chaos…

Still overwhelmed with my feat, I have overlooked some of the important things that I have to be prepared for as I am about to leave the four corners of my classroom. I never thought that getting out of my university will feel like falling off from an abyss. I didn’t have my resume ready, no target employer yet (so stubborn not to follow my brother's piece of advice to send out my application at most 2 months before the graduation), got no attire to wear for a possible interview…NOTHING! 

Just me together with my transcript of records, diploma, good moral certificate and big silver medal…definitely not the situation you’d expect from an honor awardee who graduated from a reputable university. 

Oh, I was totally lost.

Things were made even more complicated because of my family. My older brother got back in Luzon from being assigned in Davao, but he has to be in Pampanga… Not too long had passed and here comes the Princess (my brother’s girlfriend) staying in Manila for a work assignment. Wow, things were running smoothly for the two of them but not for me and the rest of my family. 

I feel so awful during that time because I thought we’ll be finally happy since I will have to work and my brother will be staying with us and we’re complete again.  

But I was wrong. 

Me and my brother had a deal that I will stay with his gf while I was looking for work since the gf can’t stay alone at her unit. At first I was excited for I thought it’s a luxury living with her in a condo and that opportunities are nearer to me in Manila. After a few days living in 'her condo', I realize I can’t no longer stand the insensitive, pretentious her and decided to go back in Bulacan and so my little brother has to replace me while my father has to go back and forth alternately to Pampanga and Bulacan while I'm 
staying with my aunt in Bulacan.

To sum it up, I failed all my expectations… I thought I will work and go home to have supper with my family, chit-chatting on how each of us get through the day. That my brother and I will toil hard together as our little brother is finishing his college degree. And soon, we will be able to give our father the life that he never has as a return to all his sacrifices to us. Thus, a happy family and my mom is surely overjoyed watching us.

But all of these only led to frustration and hopelessness. My family has always been my inspiration and strength and being apart from them diluted me. I felt alone for I got no one to share my feelings and rants with. I was left having myself alone. Nothing of those cheers and motivations I used to lean on to. 

Not even a tap at my back.  

I have to cry every night to get rid of all the negativities and unwanted emotions inside me. Yes, I was poignant and was even questioning God why does it have to happen to me, to my family. They are oblivious that I have been in misery because of solitude… 

Who says turning from childhood to adolescence is the toughest transformation a person can ever experience?

But my world won't just stop. I have to deal with it for this is all part of living and being cursed here on earth. God must be testing and preparing me for something bigger in the future. And despite all, I still have a strong faith that God is watching, lifting me away from this chaos...


(created July 2011, from my desktop)

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SunDMan ♥